Dr. Jim Denison, CVO of Denison Forum, posted a news article on his news blog, Denison Forum, a few days ago titled, “Holocaust survivor honored 75 years after his liberation: How people you don’t know change your world.” He writes:
Max Glauben was liberated from the Holocaust on April 23, 1945. His parents and brother were murdered by the Nazis.
He came to the U.S. as an orphan, served in the US Army, met his wife Frieda, and started a family that now includes three children, seven grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. He helped launch the Dallas Holocaust and Human Rights Museum. Since 2005, he has returned to concentration camp sites fourteen times, leading March of the Living trips.
Each time, he goes to a mausoleum that holds seven tons of human ashes and recites a prayer for the dead. “I look at the ashes, the seven tons of ashes, and I wonder how many of the owners of these ashes, how many diseases they could’ve cured,” he says.
Last Thursday, he expected to spend the day at home with family but went outside to find an amazing surprise: a drive-by procession was held to celebrate him and his story of survival.
When asked how to move forward when you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, Mr. Glauben said, “Never, never, never, never give up. Enjoy life and try to treat everybody that you are surrounded with the way you’d like to be treated.”
You may not have heard of Max Glauben before today. However, every person he teaches about the atrocities of the Holocaust who then works to confront anti-Semitism will benefit the world as a result of his efforts. (Quote source here.)
In an article published on October 2, 2014 titled, “The Golden Rule: Treat others how you want to be treated,” by Georgia Lee, FamilyShare, she writes on the topic Max Glauben stated above when he said, “…try to treat everybody that you are surrounded with the way you’d like to be treated.” Here is what she wrote:
Remember The Golden Rule?
“Treat others how you want to be treated.”
This saying goes far beyond simply being kind to people, or going out of your way to be available or helpful to those in need. Yes, you would want others to assist you in a bind or be pleasant even in an unfavorable circumstance. But there are many ways to create equality in your world that may go completely unnoticed by others. It’s really just about adjusting your views and attitudes.
Instead of just treating others the way you would want to be treated, think about others the way you would want to be thought of. Feel about others the way you would want others to feel about you. Speak to others the way you would want to be spoken to or spoken of.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Focus less on punishing those who cross you or others and choose to guide them into a better frame of mind. Teach them not only the error of their ways, but the error in their thinking. This is not a lesson in condescension, or even conversion, but a way to understand the progression from thought to action. If someone believes he is doing the right thing by trying to control another or become invasive in another’s life, first try to understand how that person feels his actions will get him from a desire to a result. Then, help him evaluate the consequences and perhaps choose a better way to achieve his goals and consider the goals of others. Always be open to seeing the other side as well, you may learn something.
Speak to and of others how you would like to be spoken to, and about. We all talk about other people, but assigning roles to those in our lives and trying to cast a melodrama is unnecessary. (Although it occurs frequently.) Everyone is multifaceted and cannot be fit into the box we would like to crop them into. When you retell a story, make sure to tell the unabridged, objective version, where all the characters have depth and empathy. Do not speak disparagingly about someone just because you disapprove of him.
Feel about others how you would have them feel about you. Holding onto harsh feelings will only harm you and make you hardened to feeling love and compassion. Whether or not you bear responsibility in another’s harsh feelings toward you, knowing these feelings remain is unpleasant. Especially if you feel they are unjust.
Think of others the way you would like to be thought of. Refrain from thinking, or speaking, pityingly of someone — particularly if you feel you are better off than she is. Things may seem disparate, but just as you may feel this way, others may think they are in a better position than you. Thinking of yourself as superior, more or better than another is not a beneficial way of thinking. Given or received. If you would like to help someone you think is less fortunate, do if from love, not pity.
Make an effort to respect even the unrespectable. Find something in a person or experience that was positive or beneficial and focus on that. There are inevitably circumstances in which you were or were made out to be the bad guy, and others made no effort to respect your role in the matter, or went out of their way to demolish your integrity or reputation. Do not follow in the same order, even if you feel it is just or deserved. You do not know what goes on in the mind of another or what motivates another’s actions. All you can do is take responsibility for your response to this situation, and choose to show ultimate compassion and respect when it is hard to find. Not only will this make you a better person, it will show others your true integrity and make it nearly impossible to doubt yours if it is threatened or attacked in the future. It may even redeem it in the past.
I have made a conscious effort to see everyone in my life as equal. I have come across certain people, generally of a particular faith or non-faith, who make clear through their conversations with me, and about others, that they feel a distinct superiority to others who disagree with their ideology. In the conversations I have admittedly had myself, I’ve discovered that I do not appreciate being looking down on, by believers and non-believers alike. So I’ve decided not to look down on anybody, or try to convert anybody to any ideology. I simple sit and talk with people, ask questions, listen to different schools of thought, and share my wisdom as I see fit. I’ve learned to enjoy conversations as a way to connect, instead of using them to push my agenda.
Even the Messiah sat down and ate dinner with the sinners. And if only in your mind, you can do the same. Whether others treat you with kindness and compassion has no bearing on how you treat them. Become the compassion and respect you want to receive. It’s easy for someone to be nasty to you if you’re nasty to them. Don’t give them that chance. Make it hard for people not to see you in the radiant light you portray. Make them work to hate you, disrespect you or be ugly toward you. Make it easy for them to love you, respect you, and see you as the magnificent being you are. (Quote source here.)
Those are some very important suggestions to consider. As we all know, it is hard not to want to be nasty back to people who are nasty to us, especially if we have no idea why they are being nasty. But how many of us today have had to endure what Max Glauben endured and survived during the Holocaust, when his parents and brothers were murdered by the Nazis. So let’s take a look at some ways we can change our world for the better since it really does start with us.
Dealing with mean people is a fact of life that is often unpleasant and is something many of us would prefer to avoid. These not-so-nice folks can be varying degrees of nasty, ranging from prickly to semi-cranky, to straight up grumpy and ornery in either work, life, or both. Mean people can be passive, aggressive, passive aggressive, or loud, confrontational, and in your face.
Whatever the case, you have to come up with effective ways to address a personality conflict and to co-exist with a mean person, ultimately preventing them from ruining your day or interfering with your ability to function as a happy, productive human being.
Here are a variety of nice ways to deal with mean people, that can lessen or diffuse the meanness [Note: Only a few of the ways she lists in her article are listed below. For the complete list click here.]
Swap negativity for positivity
Rather than let someone else’s nastiness consume you, especially after you’ve had an unsavory interaction with them, Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, recommends making a daily gratitude list so that you substitute their negative energy for your own positive thoughts and vibes. Yes, it’s that simple.
Hershenson suggests writing down ten things you are grateful for. “Anything from your family, to legs to walk on, or to reality TV,” she tells me. “Focusing on what is good in your life as opposed to what the mean person said or did today helps relieve anxiety around the situation.” Rattling off positives is a brilliant, easy way to keep the other person’s negativity at bay.
Know when to fold ’em
Mean people can feel endlessly frustrating. Most of the time, they want to get a rise out of you or use their nastiness to leverage themselves. But rather than scream, yell, or stoop to their level, you can make like Kenny Rogers in “The Gambler” and know when to fold ’em. Realize when it’s best to just bail, especially when you know you’re never going to get a resolution. Executive coach Debra Benton says the most simple way of dealing with mean people is, “Smile. Ignore. Walk away. Repeat.”
This is a low key way to deal with a high stress interaction, but it’s also very effective. You can leave the situation with your head held high and with no shame over how you handled it.
Be the change
One of Ghandi’s most famous sayings is, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” You can apply that sentiment when dealing with nasty people. Rather than being passively kind, you can show that you really do care about what is making this person so unpleasant.
“If you’ve ever encountered a mean salesperson or co-worker, then you know it’s easy to be turned off immediately by their behavior,” says Weena Cullins, M.S., a licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship therapist. “However, taking the time to ask, ‘How’s your day going?’ or ‘Are you okay?’ is an extremely effective way to disarm someone whose bad attitude is currently on autopilot. It’s rare for people to fight meanness with concern, so don’t be surprised if they seem a bit disoriented by your question. Take the time to listen and offer a word of encouragement. You might just turn their mood around.”
Keep your enemies closer
Alison Blackman, author of six books about relationships and communication and who runs a his-and-her advice website, offers a twist on the “keep your friends close, but enemies closer” concept. She tells me, “If someone is a mean person and you can’t avoid them, mirror the opposite of what they are. Be as nice, polite, considerate, and pleasant as you can muster and limit your interaction as much as possible.”
This requires you to go out of your way a little. She finishes, “As much as it makes you want to gag, say something nice about them where it is genuine, like, ‘That’s a beautiful necklace you are wearing’ or ‘I really liked what you said at the meeting today.’ Chances are they will stare with hostility or say something nasty. Smile as if you didn’t hear it. The fact that you weren’t nasty to them will still register somewhere deep in their dark souls.”
Or maybe, they’ll even realize the errors of their ways, and apologize….
Dealing with mean people is a part of every day life. You have to amend your behavior, walk on eggshells, and try to be considerate of the mean person’s feelings when, oftentimes, you just want to flip them off. But cooler heads prevail. Try kindness. Set boundaries. Attempt to diffuse the situation and make it better. Work to improve your repeated, or even future interactions with a mean person…. (Quote source and complete article is available here.)
Hardly a week (or maybe even a day) goes by that we don’t encounter someone who is being nasty, mean, or confrontational. But don’t give in to their meanness, and, in the words of Max Glauben…
Never, never, never . . .
NEVER . . .
Give up . . . .
YouTube Video: “Miracle” by Unspoken: